I figured it was time to open up, to tell at least a little of my story. I don't want to be too long winded. I will try not to go into too much detail, but if I do, I hope you can forgive me.
I have always been fat. I don't remember a time when I wasn't chubby or overweight. I wasn't as slim as my sisters, and I couldn't ride my bike as long as they could or run without getting tired almost immediately. I had to wear women's clothing while I was still a teenager because there were very few choices for clothing in my size. You see, I had become obese. I was a late bloomer, and sometimes, I wish I had known about PCOS or even insulin resistance back then. It might have made a huge difference in my life.
I was of course teased through middle school and some of high school, but I just pushed it to the back of my mind after crying over it. I never wanted to think about my wieght or all the things that were made more difficult because I was bigger. I was also shy, awkward, naive, and depressed. There are many symptoms associated with PCOS. The ones that I showed even back then were: depression, craving sweets all the time (night and day), skin tags, an irregular menstral cycle, difficulty in losing weight (more than the average person), and my body was producing high levels of male hormones like testosterone. That meant I also suffered from being "fuzzy." I had hair on my neck and sometimes on my face that was coarse like leg hair. I had light, soft hair all over my face, especially above the lips. I hated myself and the way I looked, but I wanted others to accept me more than almost anything. I hate living inside a body that seemed to hate me. I was also likened (correctly) to a doormat for much of my life. I was over emotional even for a teenager. I would cry over spilled milk.
After high school, things didn't get better. I had real life suddenly thrust upon me, and I was not prepared. I panicked. I rebelled against myself. I moved around. A lot. Years passed, and still I moved around, never staying at the same
address for more than a year or 2 at a time. Afters 3 years in the Northwest, I headed back to my home state.
It wasn't long after that when I realized I had to make a change and lose weight. I committed myself to it. I started with exercise. I got a membership to a gym (Planet Fitness is awesome. I just wsh they had a location closer to where I am now). I wanted to accept myself as I was, the bad with the good, and strive to be better. I didn't change my eating habits for a while, but going to the gym 5 times a week was changing my body. The extra testosterone was being used up in building muscle, and I was gaining muscle but losing inches very quickly. Then, the ultimate Frisbee incident happened. I let that kill my desire to be better.
At the time I was going to the gym, I read about D-chiro-inositol, or DCI, online. It was said to have promising research and clinic trials for women with PCOS. I found a website called Chiral Balance. I saw that they seemed to sell the highest quality with the most mg per capsule, but that meant that it was also expensive. I couldn't afford to get it then, but I found out that DCI is present in some foods like buckwheat bran, the carob, soy lecithin, and legumes (such as lentils, wheatgerm and chick peas). I tried to look into eating mores of any of this, but I panicked again, and I forgot about DCI.
I slipped into a bad depression after I fell off the band wagon and refused to get on again, I have a sedentary job. I had high blood pressure. I would get sick often. I had no energy. I would go into rages. I would be mad for no good reason without being able to think about why I was mad or at who. I would lash out at others. I lost most of my friends because the didn't understand why I was acting the way I was. The loss of friends plus the incredible amount of shame I felt bearing down on me caused my depression to get much worse, but I was also very lucky. I had the most supportive and wonderful boyfriend. He brought the love I needed into my life (and still does). I didn't slip down into a depression I could not get out of only because of that love.
Another year passed. I would care and then not care about my weight. I tried the 6 week body makeover, but I burnt out on that after 2 weeks. I got my first ever batch of DCI, and it started working for me. If you go to the Chiral Balance website, you can find out more information about the why and how it works. I just knew that my depression was lessened. I wasn't hungry all the time for snacks, and after a month, I got my menstrual cycle. I couldn't afford to get DCI. At $60 for a month's supply, it isn't cheap. It isn't a drug, so insurance won't cover it. I knew it was still worth it. I gave up on caring yet again.
More time passed, and then it was December 2012. One night, while video chatting with the world's best boyfriend, I started having stabbing, sharp pains in my chest. He rushed over and took me to the hospital. It wasn't a heart attack, but my blood pressure was so high it was causing those pains. I knew then that change needed to happen. I went back to the doctor in January 2013. I was at my all time highest weight of 360 lbs. I was disgusted with myself. I knew that I had to put in some hard work to get healthy. I started trying to eat better and be more active.
In April 2013, I got Rosey, my hyper, loveable and stubborn terrier mix puppy. She changed my life, and I started walking so much more. I kept making small changes and walking more really helped me, too. By November I has lost 30-35 lbs. I wanted more. I wanted to try and lose 20 pounds in a month and a half. My doctor told me no. I was heartbroken, but I knew that I was setting my goals a little high there anyway. This gave me an excuse... An excuse I am sad to say that I used to give up caring for the next 3 months.I was back to gaining back the weight.
After not believing I could succeed losing weight for so long, something changed in March. I caught a spark. Someone inspired me with their story and their results. This person didn't follow a fad diet. This person accomplished a lot just in a year on their own. A spark, born of some strange match being lit in that corner of my minds, found its way into my heart. I was challenged by the same person who inspired me with their story. I found my motivation and determination, more than any I had ever had. I knew it was time.
I started with exercise and trying to get in as much walking at I could. Then, I cut my calories down to between 1100 and 1500 calories a day except for my cheat day. I started tracking my calories and my exercise. I joined in a game on a website that has really helped me. I walked a 5k. This time, I'm not giving up and giving in. I'm buying the DCI even if it is expensive because there is not really a price tag on my good health. I am down 25 lbs from where I was in March, and I weigh less than I have since I was going to the gym. I'm trying to push myself hard and accomplish my goals. I try to push a little harder ever day.
So now you know a little more about me. If I can do this, you can too! You just need to find what works for you. It won't be an easy road. It won't be a quick fix, but if you really want to change, you can do it. It is totally worth it. Find your spark. Even if you don't want to or need to lose weight. Find your spark, the thing that speaks to you, inspires you or breathes new life into you. Find that, set your goals, work hard and reach for the stars.
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